Friday 1 February 2013

Z doesn't look ahead

Wink and I went over to have lunch with Weeza and Gus today.  The Sage was invited to come, but got cold feet at the thought of all that togetherness and asked to be dropped off in Norwich instead, coming home on the bus during the afternoon.

I'm not going to fuss about the Hon Sec situation.  The AGM is at the end of March, but the next meeting is in October and, if the worst happens and I don't have anyone to take over from me this spring (I think someone will come along) then there's another chance in the autumn.  Not fussing is best.

Having said that, I had a bit of a heart to heart with Wink this evening that made me cry - again.  I'm afraid the waterworks have been turned on all too much of late.  In this instance, it was age-related...I'm approaching the age at which my father died.  If I live to the 25th March (disregarding Leap Years, I haven't done the math, as they say) I'll have outlived my father.  This gives me no feeling of satisfaction, rather the opposite.  Wink said the same: that she was very aware of her age at that time. We both adored him and he died far too young.  I'm so grateful that she was able to share my feelings and wish she'd been able to say the same a few years ago, though I don't know if I'd have quite understood.  Maybe some of you do.

Gus, in the last week, has gone from walking if you held his hand, and crawling for the sake of speed otherwise, to choosing to walk and being thrilled by the ability, in the week since I saw him last.  He's such a cheerful little boy, great fun.  His big sister is the same - very happy to have won one of the weekly class awards, the one for being kind and friendly and generally helpful (Angel), for the third time.  She's won the one for hard work and progress (Diamond) once, there's the biggest award (can't remember what it's called) that she hasn't won yet but, her birthday being at the end of August, she's the youngest in the school and it's marvellous that she's getting on so well and is happy.

Weeza and Phil's car was in the garage for a service today and they'd explained they had an appointment at 4.30 so it was vital the car was returned by 4 at latest.  5.15 it was returned, what a good job that I was there so they could use my car.  I have Weeza as a named driver, but she'd have been 3rd party insured anyway.  Not that the garage knew that.  Pfft.


Paff Rine said...

I was in Sainsbury earlier and noticed they are selling some Dahlia tubers, one was called a Wink Dahlia, I immediately thought of you both.

Isn't it wonderful having a sister to share such thoughts and feelings with. Siblings can be underrated.

Unknown said...

Zed, you mustn't punish yourself if you outlive your Father. Life will be. Nature takes her course. Love, xxx.

mig said...

I love 'Angel' for being kind and friendly and helpful. We've got Gorgeous Babe for the whole night for the first time, we won't see Mum and Dad till tomorrow. It's going very well so far!

I've outlived my Mum by 12 years - I still feel sad that she never saw her grandchildren. When they were little, I felt very close to her memory.

Z said...

You're so right, Paff. It was only after my mother died that I realised that there were some occasions where no one would feel just as I felt for the same reasons any more. Wink and I come as close as anyone can.

Thank you for the if, John. I sort of don't want to. I don't feel guilty in any way, but I do feel he's with me in a way he won't be any more.

Your mum died young, Mig, I'm so sorry. My mum met Phil, at least, and approved.

Macy said...

I felt angry at W for dying before he even saw his kid's braces off his teeth.
I was angry at my mum for just giving up and dying last year...

And I was truly hacked off at myself for being stupid enough to have a heart attack - at the same age as my father!!!

I'm going to be outliving all of mine, for sure.

Take care Z

luckyzmom said...

My Mom died the day after our mutual birthday. I had turned 50, she 74. I know of no other who would understand just how those two days feel to me (Or even just the thought of them. She lived for nine years in a wheel chair after a devastating stroke that put her in a coma for two months.

Z said...

My sister said she felt angry with her husband after he died, Macy. I don't know if my reaction would be the same. My mother always thought she'd die young but lived to 79. Seems far too long to have to wait for me, patience was never my strong suit.

LZM, I've never felt able to write much about my mother, our relationship became difficult, though the final six months were lovely and I was so glad of them.