Z takes control

 The title is nonsense of course, no control involved to speak of.  However, in relative terms, I'm less out of control.

I watched all 11+ hours of presentations and made notes on every one.  Quite brief ones, sometimes "too far" or "too dear" and once, "oh dear" but otherwise the cost of the lecture and an indication of my interest.  A few, I jotted down on a notepad as fairly definite.  Next, I need to bring them down to a shortlist to share with the committee and then, once they've been chosen, I start writing to ask if they're free when I want them to come.  At least it's all done by email nowadays and not telephone, which would be a trial.

Also, I've texted the local painter and decorator and he's coming over tomorrow afternoon to see what I want done.  A lot is the simple answer.  I've also texted the chap who I hope can do the kitchen window, but he's very busy and I just need to know.  Once I've got going with all that, I need to find another carpenter to do some cupboards and then a builder and a kitchen fitter and someone to do flooring and tiling (that may be the builder)...I can see why I've put off starting.  

I've got so much else on my plate, but all this had better come first.  I also want to fix the date of the blog party, which will be in August and I'm hoping to get away for the last week of this month, but before I decide about that, I have to email a couple of people.

There was a time when I would have just got on with it.  Now, it's enough to make me want to panic.  But it's all about self-control at the Zedery, innit?

Zoë has square eyes

 I probably have said, a while ago - but can't look it up because it's on the blog I can't get at for now - that I arrange the programme for our local branch of Nadfas.  While I was away in Mexico, the annual Directory Day took place.  There are a good many speakers who are registered to the society - they're all independent of it but, if accepted by an auditioning process, they go in the Directory and the programme secretary of each individual branch can book whoever they like for their annual programme.  I'm not sure if I've made that quite clear, but I hope you gather what I mean.

Anyway, it was an online process this time, which meant that they could take many more lecturers, over two days, each with two minutes to speak (the new lecturers get three minutes).  A total of 11 hour-long sessions, plus a few more who were added later.  I'm finally getting around to watching the entire process.  Of course, not all in one go, but I've seen 8 hours worth over two days and made notes on every single one.  In some cases, it's been simply 'too far' or 'too expensive' and never more than a sentence, but I'm doing the whole job conscientiously.  All this for nine lectures (I've already booked one).  In addition to typing the notes, I'm jotting down on paper the ones I think are definites and highlighting in red the typed ones I think I may look at again for my long list.

I'm really late with all this, I should have speakers booked up to Christmas (September to December) and only have the first one, as yet.  So, now I've started, I have to crack on.  I thought I might manage a final hour tonight, but it's nearly half past nine and, well, no.  I can manage another in the morning, maybe two.    It doesn't seem fair, not to watch everyone - there are more than 250 videos altogether.

So, that's what I've mostly been doing today.  I've got two computer monitors in front of me, so that I can watch the videos on one and look up the details of each speaker and make notes about them on the other.  With a pad of paper next to me, of course.  I'll finish watching on Wednesday and then get going with the choices.  It's no wonder I never watch television.

15, 16, maids in the kitchen

 Let's start with the kitchen - or rather, two days earlier.  I'd asked my children to come over without their families, not to leave anyone out but to minimise distraction.  We talked a bit and then the conversation turned to my future.  I'm 71 and I want to stay here until 2028, as that's the 100th anniversary of the Sage's parents buying this house.  After that, perhaps I should finally downsize?  Thing is, if I'm going to, I need to start preparing as there will be a lot to do and, unless there's a dire emergency, it can't be done in a year or so.

I've got a couple of friends now and I've always had friends, for years, whose families have recommended that they should move out, buy something smaller and more sensible and then they can enjoy their remaining years and they won't be a worry to those who love them.  But the families don't ever think it through.  If you've lived in the same house for decades, there's a lot of Stuff to consider.  It's daunting.  So is finding somewhere smaller, if you aren't ready for a retirement complex.  A nice 3 bedroom house with a manageable garden, room for your good (but unsaleable) Victorian furniture, the stairs not too steep, the garden just big enough - that's what the couples moving up from their starter homes want too, less the Victorian furniture.  So it's expensive, with selling your house that needs redecorating, getting house clearance people in because, though it breaks your heart, thousands of books and a good, solid table and chairs that no one wants and you won't have room for, the cost of moving, the stamp duty and so on - "just move' isn't helpful.

To my surprise, though I hadn't expected anyone except possibly Al to say that, I didn't really expect "don't move.'  But what when I die, I asked?  It'll be hell for you to sort out.  It was made fairly clear that their stress about me moving would be greater.  I can put in a lift, buy in help, get contractors to do the garden when Wince retires.  Not that any of this is imminent.  Oh, okay.  And, they all said, start with a new kitchen.

My kitchen has needed an upgrade for a long time.  But I couldn't face the disruption.  However, my children have spoken, so I have listened and acted.  There's an awful lot to do, I am not sure if I'm even capable of blogging the process.  But I've made a start and have got a handle on the basic design (I'm changing a lot.  Not the Aga but almost everything else is relocated or vastly altered).  I hope to have it done by November.

Z, always appreciating an oxymoron, is rigorously lazy

 Of course, mentioning the various things I want to write updates on, this is about none of them.

It's half past eight on Friday evening and I'm sitting in bed with my laptop, a cup of tea and a glass of iced water.  A couple of years ago, I fainted at the top of the stairs and woke up in the hallway.  Since then, I have been rigorously lazy after a blood donation.  I arrived home, went to give some food to the chickens (I had brought leftovers home from lunch, mostly pastry and bread), told the barn cats it was too early and went indoors.  

The tortoises had been living outside, but it's been so chilly and they'd just buried themselves, so they're having a few days of indoor comfort.  So I gave them a bit more food and then I went indoors and sat myself on the sofa with my feet up.  This was at 3pm and I've not done much, physically, since.  I've caught up on some paperwork, though.  And then Wink cooked my dinner and now, as I said, I'm in bed.  Not sleepy, but I'm not risking anything (I have to go and wash and clean my teeth, though).

While I was lounging, I heard a noise from upstairs.  The cat was on my lap and I couldn't tell what it was but, after a while, I suspected a pigeon down the chimney.  Indeed it was, daft thing.  Unhurt, but trapped.  I drew the curtains across every window but one, which I opened, but the tiny-brained creature flapped all over the room, crashing into ceiling and walls, rather than just following the light.  Eventually, by luck, it swooped out.  Last time, I had to trap it into a corner (a different bird, I presume) and pick it up.  I'm really glad I didn't come up and find it now, or else be woken at daybreak by it.  

This is the first time I've ever brought the laptop to bed.  I did bring my iPad occasionally, after Russell died, to watch a programme, but tv in bed has never been my thing.  Bed used to be for three things, now only for one, ie sleep (we won't count the wakeful hours in the night).  Which reminds me, I looked at the sleep app on my phone today, which takes its data from my watch.  My sleeping time has gone up over the past 23 days, to an average of 5 hours, 54 minutes a night.  From 2 hours 45 minutes over the 5 days before that.  However, looking back over the time I've had my watch, since September, some months I've even averaged 7 hours a night and I think that's pretty good.  

Sorry

 I'm here, still alive and well.  It's just busy at the Zedery.

I will have to write some catch-up posts, there's been a lot happening since I was a proper blogger.  Even today, I have to go out in half an hour for a meeting, followed by a drive to Norwich to meet Rose for lunch, then on to take Wink to a hospital appointment.  By the time I come home, it'll be time to catch up with household stuff and animal stuff, then I'll be tired.  

Being tired in the evenings has absolutely scuppered my ability to do anything much.  It's a nuisance.  I seem to be unable to help it. I'm fine in the day.  I won't get into the way of dozing off in front of the tv, though.  I'm not that old.

So, things to write about include:

Tortoises updates

Kitchen news

Lowestoft china news (this is about buying it, which has happened more than I expected)

Visits to London.

It's fine to nag.  It's about the only thing that spurs me to action.

Now, I must plug the computer in for a bit before taking it to the meeting, because I write the minutes.

Mexico Way 6

My final morning here, I'm being picked up to go to the airport in a couple of hours.  I'm the last wedding guest here, the penultimate 8 people left yesterday.  I've packed and am now down in the lounge by the pool.  It's been a really good visit - the wedding, of course, provided many amazing highlights and the trips I took afterwards have been excellent too.  

Chichén Itzá is, of course, incredible.  I wasn't quite prepared for how vast the pyramid is.  If you're thinking of going there, do take on board that the heat is oppressive and the sun is very strong.  Not somewhere to go if you've got any breathing or heart problems.  The city of Tulum is easier, as it's by the ocean, so there's always a sea breeze.  I'll try to write more about the excursions when I'm home and can more easily upload photos.  

I haven't sorted out the other blog yet, I guess I shouldn't have expected to be bothered while I'm on holiday.  Once I've done it, I'll update it with what I've written here - but I'll also talk to Ronan about possibly exporting everything from the past few years to this site, as it's been on my mind for a while, long before the problems.  As it's a paid-for site, everything will be lost completely if the annual fee isn't paid for any reason and it seems a pity.  But that's for another time.

Although everything is very good at this hotel, I'm confirmed in my view that a sunbathing poolside holiday isn't for me in usual circumstances, after a few days.  There's a lot to be said for an all-inclusive holiday if you have children with you and need to know your budget, of course, but I'm very glad I booked the excursions once I was here by myself.  I've had enough of swimming pools and bathing in general and I've even eased off on the alcohol - a waiter coming to offer another drink every half hour is very nice, but I don't need it.  

I also wonder what happens to the leftover food?  The staff are amazing, very good quality food of all varieties - of course, in the restaurants it's cooked to order, but there are a couple of well-packed buffets too and there must be a lot left.  

I was pleased to see an agouti yesterday evening, on my way to dinner.  It was quite small, but I don't know how large they grow.  I'm envious of Charlotte, who saw a humming bird one day, I must walk round where there are trees in flower to see if I can spot one too.  When out and about, I've seen a few dogs but only one cat, which is surprising.  Maybe they sleep in the day and come out at night.  

Miriam and Zach set up a WhatsApp group for all the guests and it's agreed that it'll be kept - a lot if friendships were made and honestly, the warmth and fun of all this will stay with me forever.  Everyone was so lovely!  I've acquired an extra family myself - I'm not related to Miriam at all though, as I've said, our family friendships have gone down the generations for around 120 years.  But having now befriended the Scottish branch, we've arranged to meet over the summer - quite possibly both at home and in Scotland, if I can manage to get up there - and I feel like an extra granny to Kit and her brothers.  Also, Katie is quite interested in the tortoises, but was going to leave it until she got home before broaching the subject with her partner and son.  So we'll see.  I'll send her more information and some pictures.  It won't be until the summer, anyway.  

My flight leaves mid-afternoon and I'm due at Gatwick around 8.30 tomorrow morning, British time (which is 6 hours ahead of Mexico, thanks to Summer Time kicking in last Sunday).  Then I have to drive home, picking up some china for the auction on the way.  See you on the other side, darlings.

Mexico Way 5

 I'd brought four possible outfits for the wedding celebration - I usually make a point of not overpacking, but I just didn't have much time to think about it in advance.  I had looked for a new dress, but there was absolutely nothing suitable in the shops.  Dresses that might look right for a beach wedding in a hot country just aren't about for a short person like me, it seems - not in Norwich, anyway.  Anything not closely fitted is huge and long.  So the skirt I wore for the night before the wedding was one I bought in Yagnub last year, with a M&S teeshirt that I ordered online but was, by good luck, the exact shade of pink I wanted.  I'd bought another pink one that went pretty well, but this was just right.  For the wedding day, I wore the dress I bought for the first Indian wedding I went to, in 2000.  It gets hauled out a couple of times a year and the only reason it's not "vintage" is because I'm the original owner.  As it is, it's just "old."  But I'll probably wear it for the rest of my life.

As I said, the wedding was magical, very much in the Mim and Zach style, but the details were left to each person who took part, so there were many lovely surprises for them.  Afterwards, cocktails and a buffet dinner next to the beach and then dancing.  All the children stayed up for most of it, some for all - they were having such a great time and were very happy.  

The next day, we wound down - unfortunately, Miriam was bashed in the head when in the pool by an errant volleyball and had to lie down for the rest of the day, though she was up and about in the evening.  I didn't see her and, clearly, will have to visit Canada.  Farewells to as many people as possible and I posted a thanks and bon voyage on the group WhatsApp, as I was leaving for Chichén Itzá early next morning.  

It happened that Katie (another bridesmaid, from England), Matt and young Henry were on the same trip, so we had lunch together, which was nice.  I don't mind being on my own, but it's good to have company.  James and Christine have also stayed on and we're seeing each other for lunch.  They're Mim's Scottish cousins and their daughters and grandchildren had come along too.  One of the daughters is an artist, she  had painted and then had made the table runners for the wedding dinner.  Her website is here.

It just so happens that, years ago when Weeza had just moved to her present home, she wanted new bedlinen and asked me for a duvet set - it was one of Fiona's, though Weeza had no idea that she was anything to do with Charlotte's family.  I told Fiona the story, she was very pleased.  She and her husband have possibly the most adorable children in the world (apart from my family, obvs).  The two boys had a whale of a time at the wedding party and the youngest, Kit, is the most charming little girl who chatted to me as if we were old friends and ran up for a hug at her bedtime.  I'm in love.  I've exchanged details with J&C and we hope to visit each other (they're in North Scotland, so it's some way to travel).

I'm meeting them for lunch, so I must take my laptop back to my room and trot off to find them.  I'll leave my sunhat - I suppose I should call it a sombrero which I'm in Mexico - in the room too, as it's too windy to wear it safely.  We're right by the Caribbean but I don't complain about the wind - so very hot and humid inland, it's exhausting, though the actual temperature is much the same.  I don't really mind hot and humid, but fresh air is better.

Mexico Way 4

 This will be the third day of celebrations and tomorrow, the majority of people will leave for home.  It's been a most wonderful, magical wedding.  Miriam and Zach have been exceptional and so have all their family and friends.  

With a wedding to think about, you wouldn't believe that a couple could be the most considerate, vibrant hosts too, but they've looked after everyone, made sure everyone has been introduced to everyone else and joined in all the fun.  On Friday they had a rehearsal on the beach - I wasn't involved in that and went to the quieter adult pool instead.  In the evening, they hosted a dinner party for everyone, where there were speeches and so on too, and then we finished the evening dancing.  Yes, Z danced.  It would literally have been rude not to.  Even Charlotte, who has limited standing and moving abilities, found a pole to hold on to so that she could dance.

Charlotte has done fantastically well this week.  Although her balance centre is badly damaged and nothing can be done to cure that, it isn't completely destroyed (my friend Jo had that done when she was given antibiotics in hospital, with a known, but extremely rare side effect.  She had to use crutches for the rest of her life).  She's happy and relaxed and has also been taking a lot more exercise than usual, which she feels is strengthening her legs.

Yesterday was the wedding celebration.  It didn't start until 5 o'clock because of the heat of the sun earlier (even I had some pink on my back yesterday morning, despite my frequent applications of Factor 50, though it's gone now) but they'd had all the formal family photos done earlier.  When I say formal, I mean posed - as a family, they're anything but formal and Zach and Miriam themselves are exuberant.  

In fact, they were already married, back in Toronto, to get over any future questions of legality and so that they didn't have an extra level of complication here.  So Zach's sister acted as celebrant, which she did superbly.  

I don't know if I've mentioned that Zach is an actor - he's best known for a Canadian TV series called F@mily L@w, which I've not seen, but I'll have to watch, obviously - and Miriam is a scriptwriter and producer.  She has lived in the US, when she was at university in Florida, and in Australia, as well as her home countries of Britain and Holland and she has the knack of making and keeping friends forever.  That we all travelled from everywhere shows how she is loved.  Zach is her equal in this too, they really are a great couple.

I will add photos in due course, but I'll have to find the connector to upload them from my phone, as I don't really want to fill up my Cloud usage with all the junk photos I never delete from my phone.  Will I ever get sorted out?  It seems unlikely.

Mexico Way 3

 I think that everyone has arrived for the wedding on Saturday by now.  The Australian contingent turned up today, those from Scotland came last night.  

Whilst not pretending to be a better swimmer than I am, at least I can join in and not stand, looking awkward.  I've had enough sun and cocktails for an hour or two, however.  I'm sitting in my room, eating a banana instead.  I'm almost tempted to go to bed for a nap, but that could lay me out for a couple of hours and stop me sleeping tonight.  So I'll have a walk, now it's not so warm - it's actually been quite windy today - and then read for a while, until people start to gather together.  I've probably met about half the guests by now and maybe have around 20-something names pegged.  

I've booked a couple of excursions for next week, which should be enjoyable.  I'd planned to have a spa treatment day on Tuesday, until I saw all the prices and now I'm thinking about it.  Charlotte is leaving on Monday, so I'll have to say goodbye to her and anyone else who's going then too, because I'll leave for Chichén Itzá just after 7am.

Mexico Way 2

 By the time Charlotte was up, showered and dressed, it was 9 o'clock, which is a perfectly civilised time to have breakfast, but it felt like lunchtime to me and, though I don't tend to get hangry, I was decidedly hanxious and not feeling very well.  Fruit and yoghurt put me right and I carried on with cheese, onion, guacamole, salsa - actually, it was all fairly random.  But I'm not entirely sure about some of the Mexican breakfast dishes (for breakfast, that is. Fine later in the day) and I don't fly thousands of miles for egg and bacon.  I'll investigate the tortilla station and the omelette station during the rest of the week.  

Afterwards, we started to meet more members of the 111-strong wedding party, including the bride and groom.  I had a lovely day.  Everyone is so friendly and happy.  People have travelled from many countries, there are whole families, the youngest child being 104 days old and adorable.

We've all got inclusive packages, which makes food and drink easy.  There are different levels, mine being slightly higher than Charlotte's as I get a half bottle of tequila in my room every three days, plus some money-off vouchers for the spa (these will amount to 10%-20% off, so obviously the aim is to encourage me to spend more).

Today, there's the stag and hen dos, or rather bachelor and bachelorette parties.  They've hired a boat for a luxury trip.  Both the men and women on the same boat, which is a nice idea.  I don't know what I'll do yet, except that I want to book a couple of trips for next week.  Can't come without seeing some archaeological sites.  I might make it into the pool, who knows?  Yesterday, I opted out as, by the time we'd chatted and relaxed, it was after noon and the sun was too strong for me without a hat.

In the afternoon, we made bunting from cloth provided by various people.  Katie, chief bridesmaid, donated three dresses from previous weddings where she was a bridesmaid - they were all lovely, but you can't really wear them again.  Eventually, rather late, a group of us went for a Japanese meal, which was delicious.  In an international hotel, one might as well eat what's there - there are several restaurants - and not be hung up over local food, as it won't be local at all, anyway.  

The only fly in the ointment is a blister on my foot.  I brought some sandals - I had two identical pairs as they were comfortable and I liked them, and wore one pair last year, so brought the second.  Unfortunately, they rubbed.  Not much, but it's hot and humid and a fairly long way from my room to the hotel complex and walking there and back has done me no good at all.  I do have plasters and blister plasters,  but I need my foot to have recovered by next week.  

Mexico Way 1

 I've brought my laptop, which I don't usually do on holiday, but I'm expecting to wake up fairly early, so hoping to get some work done then, which won't take up the rest of the day and my thoughts - that is, I won't be worrying about all there is to do when I get home again.

Charlotte (aka MoB) had her centre of balance damaged some years ago.  She's not quite sure what happened to cause it, but it was trauma to the head in some way, not illness or a side effect of a drug.  Anyway, though she can walk, she is quite wobbly.  She'd booked assistance at the airports, but it was still useful for me to be there to help.  Unfortunately, I'm staying on longer than she is, so she'll have to make sure she isn't left alone on the way back.  She's resourceful and not hesitant about asking for help, but I do feel bad about it.

The journey was fine, right up until baggage reclaim, which took forever.  We were among the last 30 to get our bags back and then, unfortunately, we'd booked transport to the hotel with different companies, so I had to abandon her.  I haven't heard about it yet, we didn't catch up with each other later in the evening except by WhatsApp.

The good thing about travelling west is that you can have a lie-in and still be up early.  Now half past seven, I read in bed, had a leisurely shower, unpacked, made coffee (nice coffee machine) and I'll text MoB to see if she's up yet.  She must have been exhausted last night, everything is more tiring when you have a disability.

The room is very comfortable and spacious, with a balcony.  There's also a sofa with a coffee table and a small dining table with two chairs and a desk with another chair, which is a lot more sensible than many hotel rooms.  Of course, the bed is huge and very comfortable - it's true that the bed is really the point of a hotel room, but all hotels really go to town about that now.  Lovely quality bedlinen and I slept soundly - not too surprising, I'd actually been up for 24 hours at least, though I had an hour or two's sleep on the plane.

Ronan - not sure if I mentioned this - flew into the same airport a day earlier, for a business trip.  Sadly, he can't stay on - I asked if he could, it would have been lovely, if only for a couple of extra days, if he could have come on here.  But he's got the children this weekend and work on Monday, so it's really not feasible.

This may take a while...

 I have to submit an account recovery form and that wants a copy of a bank statement or utility bill, plus photo id.  I'm fairly sure they never asked for that when it was first set up, so I'm puzzled, but there we go.  Anyway, I don't have time at present.  I'm taking my laptop with me while I'm away, as I've got a lot of work to catch up on (this is dismal, I've never had to do that before) and I'll try to work it all out over the next fortnight.  I'm still getting emails about my account from the website host but, when I try to sign in, it says they have no record of that email address.  

Anyway, it's all been quite chaotic here, for one reason and another, every one of which is because I've been helping people.  Never a good deed goes unpunished, as they say.  I have, at any rate, managed to get my clothes sorted out and my papers together (not the work ones, but the travel documents) and it's suggested that I take US dollars for tips and so on, which I already had.  I'm not going to get any Mexican money, but will get cash out there if I need to - I don't expect I will.

Once I get back into my blog account, I'm seriously considering returning to this one.  I'll have to ask Ro if he can bring all the posts back here - he was able to migrate them from here to there, so it might be possible.  I'm paying for this and getting a poor service.  The host was bought out by another company and I don't think much of it.

I've realised that the hotel I'm going to is a rather dressier place than I'd expected, so I'm packing all my best clothes - not sure which I'm going to wear to the wedding. I have three outfits bought for weddings and I'm taking all of them.  

Next, I have to gaze dolefully at shoes and think, oh well.  They'll do.

Something isn't working and it isn't Z

 Yet again, my other blog isn't available and I don't know what's the matter.  I pay all the fees that are due automatically, I'll have to look into it.  I know some people still have this on their feed reader, but I've already had someone ask what's up with the Razorblade.

I'm rather busy this week - should be doing something completely different at the moment but it's been a distracting morning.  My sister's boiler went off again - it's just the pressure tap, but it shouldn't keep needing to be dealt with and the last time was less than a week ago.  Even then, the nuisance is not doing it, so much as having to get down the loft ladder and go up into the attic, where a previous idiot plumber thought it was a good idea to put the boiler.

Dilly was pregnant at the time so, when the plumber suggested putting the new boiler in the attic, to make more room on the kitchen walls, she protested.  Al and the (not so) Sage went along with the idea, however - I didn't know about this aspect for years and said to her, she should have insisted that I was consulted too, because I'd have said no - and, to make things worse, it was before the days when you had a separate remote control and so, if ever it didn't work or she needed to change the timing, she had to wait for Al because a pregnant woman who isn't great with a loft ladder that's constructed for a man's height can't manage.

When we needed a new boiler, I said I thought it should be down in the kitchen again but the now plumber assured me he'd cured all the faults that the previous plumber had created, so he persuaded me that it would be far simpler to leave it up in the attic.  After it was all done, he showed me how to do the pressure valve.  I was pretty horrified - I haven't had a boiler for decades, because I have the Aga - and asked how often it needed to be done.  He sort of sniggered.  Does one ever learn not to go against one's instincts?  If ever I leave here, I will not have a gas boiler.  

Anyway, I've asked the guy to come round and give the boiler its annual service a month early, because this shouldn't be happening so often.

Wink has been in India for the past 6 weeks and I'm going to Mexico next weekend.  Life is busy here, in the meantime.  

Z lunches out

 I may return to Blogger, my other blog is playing up.  I don't know whether it's my server or Wordpress or what, but I can't get into it tonight and I'm losing patience.

It's now six months since Tim died and his house in Reading is on the market.  It has to be sold, I am not moving there and it would be absurd to keep both of them.  It's a lovely house and would make a wonderful home for a new family, especially if they love to throw parties.  It's perfect for parties.

Today, my sister Wink and I took my younger son Ro out for lunch at his local pub, which was really excellent.  His small children were with us and the children's menu was a decent one, including the option of the Sunday roast that Ro and I had.  The children were adorable and behaved very well.  It's worth getting children used to being in restaurants, if possible, because they learn how to behave in company.  Young Perdita had fish fingers, mashed potato and peas and she pretty well ate the lot, and it was a generous portion.  She's only just two, but she has a very healthy appetite.

I'm lending Ro my car, because I've bought an electric one - I've kept Tim's lovely 14 year old BMW and it is expensive to run, so I've got one that's cheap to run, to balance it.  But Ro could do with a car and it's a decent one, so this makes sense.  We had a quick run with it this morning - it's the first time he's driven an automatic and he didn't quite know what to do with his left hand or foot.  It' won't take long for it to be second nature.  I've always alternated between automatic and a car with a clutch, it's fine ... mostly.  Next time I go to Reading, later this month, I'll go in the BMW and it's fine until, after a long time on the motorway, you come to a junction and, ahem, forget about the clutch.  I haven't actually stalled yet.

If you're used to an automatic, an electric car isn't that different.  A few things to learn, though, no doubt I'll report back.

Sometimes I think that Tim is just behind me, but I don't look back because he isn't.  It's all very dismal and lonely, but of course it is.  I cope as best I can, and my holiday in Atlanta, back in January, was wonderful and did me a lot of good.

Comfort comes in odd ways

 From 21st September

I drove back down to Reading this morning. It was the last thing I wanted to do but I'm having to share my time between Norfolk and here for now. I have a list of things to do over the next few days - notifying all the other companies etc and changing direct debits, getting the house valued, going through music to choose tracks for Tim's funeral and starting to sort things out. First will be his clothes, which will be put into bags, taken back and put into the Scope charity bin at the village hall. He's got a surprising amount of clothes in the wardrobes and drawers, but they're nearly all old because everything he wore most of the time is in Norfolk - where I've got to do the same job.

First, though, I had an appointment to see Tim, to say goodbye. He'd already gone, of course. I talked to him for ten minutes or so and stroked his face and his hand, then left. 

I'd had a bit of time at the house before that, which I used to look for documents, the one I needed being Viv's probate certificate. The solicitor had mentioned that Tim had told her that Viv's name had never been taken off the title deeds of the house - Viv was Tim's late wife. So I needed proof that he was the sole owner. I looked everywhere possible in the house, with no result, so went online to order a replacement. It's a mere £1.50 to access online and is a simple process. I had found Viv's funeral service leaflet so knew the date. But I ran out of time to finish the order and was going to do it later.

Having arrived back, feeling even worse than I had all day, it occurred to me that Tim's office, unused for a few years, was outside in the brick-built shed. It looks like a garage, but inside there are two rooms, the other being a toolshed, and he'd told me that he used to do all Viv's admin when she was an Ofsted inspector, some 20 years ago. Perhaps the papers were there.

It took me a while to find the keys, but I got in there and found a filing cabinet. Neatly labelled files at the top, box files in the lower drawers. It's all there. All his bank accounts and investments and all the papers I needed. Tim didn't really send me there, of course, but I think I'll choose to believe he did, because it's some comfort at a wretched time.

I've rather hit the buffers now, but nice people are coming to clean the house soon, so I'll just clear away anything in their way and then browse through music for a bit. Admin can wait until tomorrow. Lovely friends have invited me over tonight, so I won't be alone this evening. 

Lovely Tim

 People don't update bookmarks and notifications any more - I know that I don't.  I use a feed reader, so at least I know when blogs have been updated, even after several years.  But I touch base here once in a while, if there's something to say that you might feel you'd want to know.

I wish I didn't have this to say today, but I'll have to.  My Tim died a fortnight ago.  It was sudden and unexpected, though he was waiting for an evaluation to decide on treatment for a failing aortic valve.  There isn't much more to say, I've had to repeat the tale too many times already.  He died at his house in Reading, so I'm holding his funeral there and then bringing his ashes back here, where there will be a short service in our local church, where we were married.  

People are looking after me but it's hard to bear it.  There isn't any alternative, there's too much to do.  

Family getting together

 Blogger is becoming impossible.  I don't often write here but I've started a post twice and, after a couple of lines, everything I've written has vanished.  This will be my final attempt.

I've continued to blog on the newer site, of course, but i know some people only have this one marked.  So, a quick update, from the middle of lockdown 2.

Rose and family moved out during the summer from the annexe.  She had been my very welcome guest for nearly six years and her Boy lived there too, once he'd finished university.  A year or so ago, he moved his girlfriend in and then Rose moved her new partner in.  Everyone got on well but the whole thing wasn't really sustainable, especially once lockdown came along and, in the end, Boy and Girl moved to Ipswich and Rose and Man moved nearer to Norwich, but still on the edge of a village next to a field.

We were perturbed about the prospect of the annexe being empty - there was no question of renting it out. The council had allowed me to have a friend living there as a guest, but it's a family annexe, not a letting property and that's fine by us.  It adjoins our house and you have to be very confident of a relationship to have anyone else here.  I didn't have anyone else who I thought I'd welcome except for a short time.  But it suddenly struck me that my sister Wink wanted to move up here and, though she'd been thinking of buying a place - no one thought of taking away Rose's home! - she might like to move in.  So, in short, we asked and she said yes.

It's been several months' process, but she finally moved in this week.  And all is well.  

Z chatters about anything but what's on everyone's mind

What strange times across the world.  I'm blogging (in The Other Place) to take our minds away from it - this has its disadvantages in that I won't have the memories of how it feels to look back on, but I see my role in life as cheering people up, on the whole.  Anyway.  http://razorbladeoflife.co.uk, if you're looking for it.

HNY and all that...

Trying to comment on a friend's blog, I find I've been signed out of Google.  I haven't of course, but I do get signed out of Blogger and it's quite a trick to get back in again.  I come here and I'm signed in but I go elsewhere and I'm not.  Of course, Blogger is free at the point of use, so not important to the mighty Google.

Hope all is well with you.  I do have notifications of a visit a day or so and, though I assume they're from spammers, if you're a real person and prefer me to post here than on my other blog, I could do both.  Let me know.

Z remembers the house - er, hotel - where she was born

A friend said that blogging with Blogger is awkward on a Mac, so I thought I'd have a go; though in fact, she uses an iPad and I'm on the desktop.  The desktop iMac, that is, for you literalists out there.

We went to visit my sister last week, which was a lovely break.  We visited Weymouth one day, where I was born.  LT grew up a bit further along the coast, so knew the town rather better than I did; though everywhere has changed a lot in the past half century.  He decided not to go to his home town of Bournemouth, he thought it would be too depressing.  However, we were rather gratified to discover that Weymouth seafront and the old harbour were much as they had always been.

This is the old harbour. The side where we walked still has cars parked facing the water, but now there are huge sleepers to stop them rolling into the water as well as a kerb at the edge, which is very sensible but, perhaps, removes the little frisson of daredevilry that there used to be.

And here, in the random order that Blogger always loved, are pictures of the Riviera Hotel, where I was born and lived until I was three or four. It looks magnificent as you come round the bend and down the hill but is, unfortunately, marred by the funfair in front. It has been nicely maintained but it's not as smart as you'd think such a fine Art Deco building would be.