Bitter chill it was

 It thawed enough and didn't freeze again, which made all the difference.  I was able to get the car out onto the road.  Wink and Pam didn't come, which I'm glad about, it could have really been a disaster for their health.  I was so cold that I didn't really defrost until I spent half an hour in a very hot bath that evening.

Today, I took eCat for her annual vaccination and checkup, which went well.  She's lost an appreciable amount of weight, to my surprise - I do weigh her food so that Wink and I don't just give her everything she wants.  Then Wink had a dentist appointment in Norwich and I had a contact lens check - luckily, the times gelled.  

I'm most grateful for my eyesight. I always recognise that it could all go awry, but it hasn't yet.  My eyes are still fine - more than fine, for my age.  Last year, I had to have new glasses because the sight in my left eye has improved.  This year, a new contact lens prescription because my right eye is better.  From -2 to -1.75 in each case, so not much and it's just tweaking.  I'm incredibly grateful, though. 

I let eCat out 15 minutes ago, because she asked - obviously, she has a perfectly good cat flap - and it was just starting to drizzle.  I just went to call her in and there's no sign of her, so I suspect she's either whinged at Wink's back door or else used the aforementioned cat flap.  The forecast isn't good, she's not outside in this wind and rain.

And she's just come to say hello, sensible girl.

It really hasn't snowed all that much...yet

 I'm supposed to pick up our lecturer tomorrow morning, but the weather forecast isn't great (this is British understatement) and I'm not confident that I'll be able to get my car onto the road.  Luckily, someone has offered to go to the railway station in my place, so now we hope that there's not enough snow to block the road or the railway tracks.  

Wink was able to get a doctor's appointment this morning - the car got stuck on its way up the slight slope at the end of the drive, I had to reverse and have another go - and she has been referred for diagnostic tests, which is very helpful.  I'm so glad to have a family member who listens to advice, which is more than Russell or Tim ever did.  

Since we were out already, we went to the local supermarket and I stocked up, mostly on vegetables - I will go to the greengrocer next time, I feel quite guilty that they didn't get my custom today.  I also bought a gammon joint and cooked it for lunch today, inviting Wink too.  I usually eat my main meal in the evening, but felt we needed a good meal and the opportunity to relax afterwards.  I scuttled round fetching coal and logs, feeding animals and sorting things out and, once we'd had lunch, had nothing to do but feed the outside cats again, which happened early.  I've upped their rations - I give them a decent helping of GoCat and, usually, 2-3 pouches of cat food in the morning, 3 in the afternoon (for breakfast, they also finish any E-Cat leftovers from the day before).  But now, they're having 4-5 in the morning and 5 in the afternoon and they are glad of it.  They can live on that, if they have to and hunting brings a bonus.  I doubt there's much to find and I'm sorry for the field mice anyway.  No rabbits, the foxes have killed them all.  

I must write to Susie to tell her that, if I can't get my car down the road, I won't be able to get to her dad's funeral.  I will do my best, however, of course.

Z doesn't build a snowman

 And then yet another friend died.  At least the others were all last year, but Valentine died on the 2nd of January.  She was nearly 94 and very unwell, it wasn't altogether unexpected - but it's really cast a dampener on our feelings, with all these bereavements and she was the much-loved matriarch of a big family.  Although she lived here, her funeral was today in Surrey - her mother church is there - and I couldn't go, as I was helping Pam.

Pam has become more frail in the last few weeks and I have told her that I don't think she is strong enough to go to Peter's funeral.  I've also told Wink that I don't think she should go either.  She has a chest infection and is exhausted.  It's too cold for either of them to go from the car park to the church.  They've both listened and taken on board what I've said, though the decision is theirs, of course.  

It hasn't snowed a lot, but each snow shower lies on the last, as it's not thawing, even when it's sunny.  I've doubled the barn cats' rations and am taking out bottles of warm water for them and the chickens.  I've also, sadly, realised that I've finally left my youth behind.  We haven't had any snow for the past few years and so it took me a couple of days to notice that, for the first time ever, I haven't wanted to make a snowman.  This makes me somewhat sad, but doesn't change anything - I'm not in the least inclined to build one.  Going out every day to fill a barrow with logs and get scuttles of coal is quite enough for me.  I hope the weather is good enough for Wince to come on Thursday, when he'll stock us up with enough for a week. 

Instead of frolicking, I've been cooking.  It's probably because the kitchen is guaranteed to be warm, but it reminds me of the winter after Russell died, when I felt the need to cook obsessively, even though I wasn't eating much.  My freezer is very well stocked, with single portions of soups and stews.  It's just as well, because I keep buying a lot of vegetables and something has to be done with them.  

I have just read that a requirement for eye tests for over-70s is to be brought in, to renew a driving licence.  It seems remarkable that this has never been made before, or that it's entirely up to the driver to self-report if they've been advised not to drive.  I have huge sympathy for those who rely on their cars, but I know too many older people who really are not safe to drive, whether because of sight or another reason.  

Never trust a day that seems to go well

 It had been quite a good day, in that I'd done housework - boring but useful - and helped Pam - not boring (I even made her laugh) but also useful.  Wink kindly sorted out the animal feeding and I got home around five o'clock.  She'd seen the car lights, so came through to tell me we were invited to visit friends tomorrow morning.  

I started cooking vegetables and rice for dinner and it was all going well, when I had a brief but devastating email from a friend, to say that his wife died a few days before Christmas.  I'm not a crying person nowadays, but I stood in the kitchen weeping.  I'm unexpectedly devastated.

C had been friends with Tim's wife V since primary school.  C and P married young - they were very open in saying that their first baby was on the way, which was the reason for their early marriage, but it lasted for nearly 60 years.  C had a cancerous mole removed, many years ago, from her leg, but a lump appeared 19 years later on the same vein line in her leg.  The doctors had never known a secondary cancer of that type appear, so many years later.  It was treatable with pills and, though it impacted on their lives, she'd been doing okay.  P also developed cancer a few years later. 

Tim simply adored C.  He looked on both of them as his best friends but she was on a pedestal.  I once said that to them, when I'd been asked round for dinner after Tim died and, as they didn't quite know what to say, I added "until he met me, of course," which broke any awkwardness - which didn't exist for me.  I understood.  She was delightful.  

They're holding a wake in a couple of weeks in Reading.  I'm free on that day, but need to get home the same night.  I tried to phone him, but it went to voicemail, so I've emailed that I'll be there.

Hound Land

I went to Norwich today, to look at curtain material in John Lewis.  I'd already noted down some I quite liked from their online shop - not sure that I've found the right thing yet, I'll keep looking.  Afterwards, I ambled round the shop looking at the stuff in the sale (I bought really dull household items) and, in the space of less than ten minutes, three people passed me with their dogs on leads.  Is this a new thing?  A dog being led round a department store?  They were all well behaved and one looked reasonably happy (I'm not sure a waggy tail is great around shelves of items for sale) but one of them was clearly miserable.  Surely it's better to leave the dog at home or in the car?

I've never come across this before - of course, dogs being walked in the city, but not dragged round shops. I feel sorry for small dogs being taken into crowded places anyway, such as our local street markets, but at least that's in the open air.  Were dogs so indulged during lockdown that, even years later, they can't cope at home alone?

My daughter's family had a puppy during lockdown, in fact.  She grew up with people all around her - can't remember all the Covid timeline, but the children were being home-educated when she was a puppy, Weeza was furloughed and Phil was working from home.  They made sure there was a gradual transition for her and bought a camera to check she wasn't pining.  She wasn't.  It all went smoother than they'd really expected.

These dogs were well behaved, which a lot of lockdown dogs were not, so perhaps it's just a matter of them being considered family.  That doesn't mean that being taken to a busy department store, where a dog is knee-high to a lot of strangers, is a kind way to treat it.  I didn't think much of the first one, but by the third, it seemed to be a trend.

Z relaxes with nothing to do

 It's tranquil, here at the Zedery.  Most of the family came over today, except for Al and co, whom we are visiting tomorrow.  Ro and the children stayed for lunch and the afternoon.   I have done no decorating for Christmas, except for a large piece of gold cloth that's draped over the dining table, and some cards up.  

Eloise cat has finally come back through.  She steers clear when the family turns up - to a degree, that's because she's wary of a lot of people about, but she's normally fine with Ro and co.  It's when E-daughter arrives that she vanishes, because they used to bring their dog, when she was a puppy, and E-Cat hates dogs.  Sadly, that branch of the family is permanently tainted.  No matter, she has Wink's place for refuge, though hunger eventually prevails.  Wink doesn't normally feed her in the annexe, though she does through here.  

Anyway, now that everyone has left, it is very quiet.  I made a salad sandwich for dinner - I'm still not eating much, but I did drink some red wine.  The second glass was too much and I poured half of it back into the bottle (I take the view that I'll drink it eventually, so it's not unhygienic) and I rather wish I had a spare chocolate right now because, while I don't feel undernourished and I'm not hungry, I do feel unsatisfied.  

Still, I have wrapped all the presents except Wink's - gotta have something to panic-wrap at midnight on Christmas Eve.  She's already received her main present, which is Friendship of the National Gallery (you can go to all the exhibitions at no extra cost, without booking - there are various other perks, but they're relatively little use if you don't live near London).  

I remembered a tube of Extra Strong Mints.  I am no longer unsatisfied.

A breach, dear friends and supper

What struck me most in the news today was the breach in the canal in Shropshire.  We didn't go on that stretch, when Mig and Barney kindly took me on a canal holiday in April 2015, but only because we went westwards over the Pontcysyllte Aqueduct into Wales.  A canal breach is always serious and this one was horrendous.  It was the good fortune of one man waking to use the loo in the night, at the right time to realise what was happening, jump off his narrowboat and warn his neighbours, that saved them.  I'm not sure what effect it'll have on boats stranded either side of the breach, they could be stuck for a long time.  

We went to visit Pam this afternoon.  I'm so awfully sorry for her.  Her family seems to squabble among themselves and her and they don't appear to recognise her loss of a husband of 50 years.  As difficult as she can be, she's the one whom all attention and kindness should be focussed on.  Having always been very capable and in charge, she now is very dependent, which is tough to cope with.  She needs to be listened to and helped, not argued with - it doesn't matter if there's a better way of doing something, she's at the centre of the circle and and complaints should go out, not in. 

Look up the circle of grief ring theory - summed up by "comfort in, dump out."  I saw what could happen when my father died, leaving my mother a sudden widow at 46.  "There! Now you'll know what it's like to be lonely!" is not the thing to say.  Nor "sell your big house and move to a nice little bungalow in Worlingham." I didn't get any of this, in fact, I didn't seem to attract unkindness.  Nor kindness, for the most part.  Numbered fewer than the fingers on one hand were local friends who asked me round, in the first year after Russell died.  Blog friends did considerably better and are so much loved - they already were, but appreciated even more.

If a friend is widowed, please ask them over.  Invite another couple or a few more friends, nothing to challenge but don't try to match up.  Within the first year, they may not notice, but after that they'll feel it's an attempt to pair with another single person.  Just include them, relaxedly.  They'll be incredibly grateful and may tell you so, years later.   Just a kitchen supper is fine.