And then yet another friend died. At least the others were all last year, but Valentine died on the 2nd of January. She was nearly 94 and very unwell, it wasn't altogether unexpected - but it's really cast a dampener on our feelings, with all these bereavements and she was the much-loved matriarch of a big family. Although she lived here, her funeral was today in Surrey - her mother church is there - and I couldn't go, as I was helping Pam.
Pam has become more frail in the last few weeks and I have told her that I don't think she is strong enough to go to Peter's funeral. I've also told Wink that I don't think she should go either. She has a chest infection and is exhausted. It's too cold for either of them to go from the car park to the church. They've both listened and taken on board what I've said, though the decision is theirs, of course.
It hasn't snowed a lot, but each snow shower lies on the last, as it's not thawing, even when it's sunny. I've doubled the barn cats' rations and am taking out bottles of warm water for them and the chickens. I've also, sadly, realised that I've finally left my youth behind. We haven't had any snow for the past few years and so it took me a couple of days to notice that, for the first time ever, I haven't wanted to make a snowman. This makes me somewhat sad, but doesn't change anything - I'm not in the least inclined to build one. Going out every day to fill a barrow with logs and get scuttles of coal is quite enough for me. I hope the weather is good enough for Wince to come on Thursday, when he'll stock us up with enough for a week.
Instead of frolicking, I've been cooking. It's probably because the kitchen is guaranteed to be warm, but it reminds me of the winter after Russell died, when I felt the need to cook obsessively, even though I wasn't eating much. My freezer is very well stocked, with single portions of soups and stews. It's just as well, because I keep buying a lot of vegetables and something has to be done with them.
I have just read that a requirement for eye tests for over-70s is to be brought in, to renew a driving licence. It seems remarkable that this has never been made before, or that it's entirely up to the driver to self-report if they've been advised not to drive. I have huge sympathy for those who rely on their cars, but I know too many older people who really are not safe to drive, whether because of sight or another reason.
4 comments:
I'm having the same thing with people dying. Up to 6 so far. Upsetting.
The eye test thing amazes me too. So many older people round here drive when they shouldn't - but what choice do they have in rural areas with absolutely no public transport and when a taxi to the nearest town costs nearly £100 return, one to the nearest city is £160, and one to the nearest doctors (4 miles away) is £40 return - if you can get one at the time you want (there are only 3 cars for an area that is probably 80-100 square miles)?
I hope that something can be sorted so that Pam can 'see' her husband's funeral, even if she can't get there in person.
- BW
Yes, that's exactly it - or part of it, anyway. When you live in a biggish town, you have no idea what it's like to have no public transport. Or to be unable to use it. When the new hospital was built on the outskirts of Norwich, some 20 years ago, they deliberately didn't provide enough parking because they wanted to encourage visitors to go by bus. But if you're in your 80s and visiting your spouse, you probably can't manage the bus. In addition, from here, it would take me about two hours each way and a walk of half a mile or 2 kilometres, depending on whether I took 2 or 3 buses. It's 40 minutes by car.
The other side of it, however, is that a lot of people's self-worth depends on the independence of driving. I've advised two friends to tell the DVLA of family members' dementia and both replied that the person would be so upset to lose their licence. I replied, of course, not half as upset as they would be by killing someone. As sympathetic as I am, there is no excuse.
Please be careful especially when you are walking outside. Maybe someone can figure out how Peter’s service can be live-streamed so people can stay home and watch it. My cousins did that for their sibling’s funeral which was four states away from me.
I promise I will. I'll take a walking pole and wear good boots. I'm going to let Susie, Peter's daughter, know that I may not be able to make it. My car didn't want to go up the slope to the road this morning or yesterday - it managed it, but I know how slippery it gets at both ends of the road, as well.
I think it'll be too late to live-stream the funeral, though it's certainly possible if arranged in advance. It's really not my business to get involved, I can't interfere with someone else's family.
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