Monday, 14 February 2011

Snow on snow on snow

I'm not feeling very capable of describing how I feel.  There's too much that I'm not at liberty to say.  Suffice it to say that the Head and I evidently haven't handled things too well, because our wonderful and dedicated teachers are feeling really anxious, the Sage hasn't altogether behaved like one, and my car wouldn't start this morning.  That's without the rest of the stuff patiently waiting.

Do you know, cooking dinner this evening, I suddenly thought, thank goodness I'm a Christian boozer and I have something to fall back and land on?  What does a teetotal atheist do?  Shit still happens, for goodness sake. Resilience can only go so far.  Crunchy raw carrots are delicious, but don't cut the mustard.  Seriously, I'm interested.  If you have an answer, please tell me.  Because I may give up the booze one day, you never know, and who knows with faith?  I don't think I'm the sort to lose it because I'm the tenacious sort, but shit happens.

I'm sorry my loves, I know that this is a positive, forward thinking and cheerful blog, but it's also an honest one, and I'm having a day when I'm not feeling negative, not unhappy, but it's all too much.  I don't have to cope every day.

Okay, the good things.  The Sage was great, I called him when he was asleep to say the car wouldn't start, and he uncomplainingly was ready to drive me in within five minutes.  I said what I needed to, and I feel able to cope with it.  I've had a kind discussion over the Sage's screw-up and the result is his decision.  The car is back now, it's nothing major.  I've not let anyone down.  I slept last night for more than six hours.  My friend Mike came to my rescue over the car, and I had a good chat with his wife Ann (not you, Mike and Ann, darlings) and cuddled their dogs (they've got an adorable spaniel cross that I'd bring home right now) and admired photos of their cute granddaughter.  I received my quote for my car insurance today, and it's not much more than last year, which means I'm comfortable to just accept it and not go through the shopping around hell (I'll check the small print first).  I've got money in the bank and had a really helpful, though unsolicited, phone call to advise me on where to put it (ooer missus).

So, good way outweighs bad.  That it doesn't feel that way is just one of those things.  I'll be back tomorrow being frivolous.

Oh, and thanks, Dave.  Your remark on Facebook today had me laughing for quite some time.  I L'edOL.

20 comments:

Eddie 2-Sox said...

Maybe pestering will help. If not, I'll know.

Z said...

I need not to get it wrong. Wish me luck, babycakes

Mike and Ann said...

It seems to hve been that sort of day generally, Z. I like your remark about being a Christian who drinks. So are we, so we've got comfort and support from two possible directions. I've had bad news from TWO fellow bloggers today, both of whom are having to be discreet about it, which is very frustrating for them (and you're obviously in the same boat). I think there's a general miz cloud going over us today. Hope all will soon improve.
Mike and Ann.

Z said...

Blogging does help. Thanks for the support xx

PixieMum said...

Sorry to hear about your difficult day, you seem such an upbeat person usually. I admire all you seem to achieve, no procrastinating with you.

Cars are like fire, good servants but bad masters. Many years ago the AA man at Hatton Cross (near Heathrow) used to say to me "Oh no, not you again" when I called upon them when my Hillman Imp broke down yet again.

I never minded we had to pay tax on husband's company car, the government cannot tax peace of mind.

When a company car had problems they were solved by a magic fairy who lent us a temporary car until ours came back as if by magic. I expected the temporary car to fall apart when no longer needed.

Thankfully cars are so much better today, daughter drove our 14 year old Corsa 400 mile round trip on Friday and she said it ran beautifully. But then it is so basic a model there cannot be any electronics in it.

Hope tomorrow is better for you.

Z said...

I've got a lot to do, but also something to worry about so am finding the work difficult to concentrate on. And today was one of those messy days when I didn't have time to get on with anything much.

I'm fine, and thank you. I shall go and find a husband to kiss now.

Dave said...

Oddly I was preaching on Sunday about bad things that happen to us. The answer seemed to be faith. Wine didn't seem to come into it.

Oh, yes it did. Along with bread. Although in Methodism it's grape juice.

Z said...

"Trust and obey, for there's no other way," Dave? But what about those who have no religious faith, when self-reliance falters? And, come to that, when believers lose their way? When someone is worried or depressed, saying "cheer up" doesn't help, and saying "have faith' doesn't give it to you.

I'm not in that situation, btw.

Christopher said...

Whatever I have of affection and sympathy that may support and sustain is yours.

Christopher said...

PS x

Z said...

Thank you, dear Chris. Things are fine, there are just too many things marked 'urgent' at the moment and then things happen to stop me getting on with any of them. I got up early this morning, so the most vital one is done.

Dave said...

Nothing as simplistic as that Z, quite the contrary. I was trying to sun up 2,000 words into a comment.

Z said...

I wasn't meaning a criticism of your sermon at all, Dave love.

lom said...

As a non Christian non boozer, I take to my garden or cooking in times of stress.

Dave said...

I didn't take it as such.

Roger said...

I've just checked. You can cut mustard with crunchy raw carrot.

63mago said...

As semi-atheistic drinker I can say that hitting a pillow forcefully to the ground while screaming full blast relieves stress. Works for anybody, regardless of the denomination, Carthusians too.
Loosing hope is an existential experience and I think that in the end the total "auf sich selbst geworfen-Sein" (no Heidegger please!), the basal realizing and accepting of the self in all its ugly beauty, may do the trick. Afterwards a good Silvaner can be estimated in a much better way, at least compared with cheap Red Billy Plonk who did the trick before. Just saying.

Z said...

Sadly, Helen, I haven't time to do any gardening, and not the therapeutic sort of cooking. And Mago, punching a pillow is marvellously stress-relieving, but not any good at present. It's not that sort of stress. Instead, I talk to myself a lot, which saves me from speaking my mind at a time when it might not help, and also clarifies my thoughts.

luckyzmom said...

We resently had a notice that we had not paid our water bill the month previous. I went bananas trying to find the proof. I can not remember one occurance in 35 years, that we were late paying anything. After extensive investigation (tearing the house apart and checking records) I came to believe that we did not receive the bill in question, had mistakenly tossed it or it wasn't delivered. Then, before we could address it, we received a notice that we would be having our water turned off! I was totally bent out of shape, and because I pay all the bills, I felt responsible. I wrote a check for the past two months and the $10 late charge and my husband took it into the water company directly. There was quite a line. And before he reached the front of the line he realized that all of the residents on our street were in the same boat and had not received their water bills.

And now that I have related the story to you I have forgotten how I thought this related to your situation, except maybe that all my panic was totally unnecessary. From the point of the first notice, to the point of my husband returning to the car from the water company to tell me the news, I made myself almost sick with worry. Since then I am less likely to beat myself up until I am sure of all the facts.
Whew. That was my 2000 word sermon*)

Z said...

It'd be all the same if you'd had a huge row about it, or hadn't the money to pay, they wouldn't care. How annoying.