Tuesday, 15 September 2009

A little love story

You know, the loveliest thing of all, this past year or so, has been seeing Weeza enjoy so much being a mother - and also being a daughter. We've had our ups and downs over the years, and have long since put the downs behind us - we're both straightforward and emotionally honest people and we have agreed to differ if necessary and back away from disagreements before they become rows. If one were to develop, we'd talk it through and reach a conclusion and move right on. Neither of us bring up old quarrels. We don't sulk. Our relationship developed once I stepped back and acknowledged, as I should have done earlier, that she is capable of reaching her own decisions and is better let go. Likewise, she learned not to be defensive. Many was the time that we recognised an edge and changed the subject or one of us found a reason for leaving the room for a few minutes.

I suspect that she's forgiven me a lot in the last year, now that she knows how difficult it is to be a mother. Maybe especially a mother of a daughter? - I don't know. I do know that she does better than I did in the first year. I was only 20 mind you, and I'd never held a little baby before her. I'm not sure if ante-natal classes existed, I certainly never went to one and I learned mainly through getting it wrong. Zerlina visibly adores her mother and the feeling is mutual. And yet she's a determined little girl. She doesn't cry unless there's something wrong, and stops when it's put right - this usually means food or a nap - but she can certainly shout with temper. Weeza is equally determined and doesn't let her get away with it, but gets the balance of firmness, kindness and love just right.

She also gets things just right with me. We love spending time in each other's company and really miss each other if we don't meet up every week. And she loves it that I do the same with Zerlina as I used to do with her - give quick darting kisses all over her face and neck until we're giggling and breathless. It was Weeza's favourite thing as a little one, she used to shut her eyes, open her mouth and hold her breath.

Hm. Excuse me. I'm getting soppy. But we should count our blessings, shouldn't we?

14 comments:

I, Like The View said...

yes

we should

and we are blessed to have blessings

(-:

Yoga Gal said...

Yes! It's odd my mother -daughter roles are reversed. My mother use to always be there when I was sick. Cleaning up my vomit when I got super sill and now I'm the one caring for her and I find it a blessing to be able to do so! great post

lom said...

yes everyday

The Cloudcutter said...

This was really beautiful Z. Count your blessings for sure!

Dave said...

I refuse to comment on soppy posts.

Blue Witch said...

Yes, you're upholding traditional/extended family values in changing times.

It's a pity that so few people understand/can practise what you've so eloquently put here about inter-generational maturity.

Z said...

When Weeza was in her early teens, we got on really, really badly!
I looked after my mother too, YG. It's still too complicated a subject to write about. The final six months, although we knew her illness could not be treated, are a blessing in my memory however and I'm so glad we had that time.

Dave, dear, you are one of my blessings.
Right, now I've made you completely nauseous my work is complete.

How do we know said...

hey.. i LOVED this post.. it is GOOD to be soppy once in a while.. VERY soppy.. if u cant share it here.. where else?!

Z said...

I can't claim to know what I'm doing, BW, but I do try hard, and I'm lucky with my family.

Indeed, HDWK, where else?! And I hadn't been drinking or anything...

sablonneuse said...

Call it soppy if you like but I think it was very wise advice.

luckyzmom said...

Absolutely agree with you. I have experienced much the same as you have with my daughter. I came to the same decision you did about letting go and try to be patient while she learns she doesn't have to be so defensive. Also trying to be patient with myself on the advice of someone special!)

Z said...

I can pinpoint the time when I let go, too, and she responded immediately.

weeza said...

Gulp! Love you too xx

Z said...

Eek - went all sloppy in front of one of my children. Don't tell your brothers, will you?