Thursday, 17 January 2008

Resolved

Forgive me, please, if I sound in any way complacent, because I don't feel it, but I do feel very glad.

I spent yesterday building myself up nervously to phone Miss B, and then was out all morning and lunchtime today, so hadn't before, this afternoon, she phoned me. To thank me for my help and kindness, and to apologise for 'being nasty' to me.

I asked her, of course, if she had been satisfied with the place where she had been sitting and if she had enjoyed the lecture (which was splendid, actually) and we had quite a long chat. She is quite reconciled to sitting in the designated place, which is actually a good one, and I was sympathetic to her situation, at being obliged to use a wheelchair and the adjustment in personal perspective (I don't mean physically) that this entails.

I really do feel for her, it is hard for someone, especially one who has been used to, and proud of, her independence, to have to go out looking frail and needing help. When she apologised, I said that she is right to fight her corner and to challenge what she sees as unfair (oh dear, am I a bad person, to say that when I've won my point? Well, it's the impression you give as much as the words, isn't it?).

It's not the first time that I've stood up to someone who has afterwards looked upon me as a trusted friend. I'm not sure how I do it, but it is a knack I possess. I think it's that I stand my ground, but don't look pleased to win, and am conciliatory afterwards and aim to concede a way to save face. I do sound self-congratulatory. Sorry. I'm not, really. I'm just glad that she doesn't look on me as a bully, and that she has said that, having made the effort, she feels able to come to the lectures again - where, of course, I'll make sure I stop and chat to her for a while.

By the way, I'm a good loser too. I give in very quickly, unless I'm right. Then - I'm pragmatic. I win if I can, but if not I don't waste the powder.

11 comments:

luckyzmom said...

So happy to hear all turned out well.

Cinn said...

I'm not a good loser. I hold grudges. ;)

dharmabum said...

you're wonderful, z. i lose decently well. wouldn't claim i don't hold grudges, in most instance, i do - but only against myself, not the other person.

Yoga Gal said...

Don't hold grudges because that gives too much power to someone other than yourself! Let it go!

badgerdaddy said...

That's a bloody marvellous phrase "I don't waste the powder". I'm going to use that one, with a muttered ® or ™ under my breath.

AFC 30K said...

good news all round then...

Z said...

I always prefer to end an encounter on a positive note if possible, which is what happened both on the phone and when we met on tuesday. I'd have rung her as something of an act of deference (since she'd ended doing as I asked, I could afford to), but she was gracious enough to ring me and I appreciate that.

If someone gets to me and I show that I'm upset, they've won twice. And often, it's not that big a deal anyway. Hello, Yoga Girl and welcome - I agree with you.

And Badgerdaddy, you are more than welcome to use it as your own.

Dave said...

I've tried to write something here a few times, but each one ends up sounding rude, or critical, and they're not intended to do so, but I can't think of a tactful wording (I blame the drugs I'm taking at the moment, and my mental state) so I'm not going to say anything at all, but wanted you to know I've been here, praising God and keeping my powder dry.

Z said...

Darling Dave, you know I don't take anything amiss, and I appreciate you visiting and commenting, even if it's to say nothing.

Nothing wrong with some target practice though - after all, you can see the white of my eye

PI said...

All's well that ends well.
I noticed in the shop that if someone misbehaved and you really stood up to them they behaved with the utmost respect thereafter, and often one grew fond of them. Nowt so queeer as folk!

Z said...

You're right, Pat.