Sunday, 18 November 2007

Telephone calls

It is something that only becomes apparent as time passes, but having children is not about bringing up babies. It's about the people that they become. Now that mine are all adults, I appreciate them all the more and love who they are - what they have made themselves.

But then, we've all been lucky. Not everyone is. We had two phone calls yesterday, with bad news.

The first one was the Sage's sister, who rang to tell us that her daughter Sarah's husband had died suddenly of a heart attack. Their 5 year old son was with him when he collapsed and they have a 9 year old daughter too. Jonathan was 68, considerably older than Sarah and had not been too well for some time, largely with circulatory problems caused, they were told, by his lifetime of heavy smoking, but this was completely unexpected.

Later, the Sage rang a family friend to tell her, but the information was overshadowed by her own family problem and he didn't say anything. She was almost too upset to speak, but it seems that her son is in prison. We don't know what for, and we don't know if he's been charged, whether bail was refused or even what he's supposed to have done - the Sage said he simply couldn't ask her questions as she wasn't fit to answer them. I'll ring her in a little while, she might be able to talk to me. Although he is, in many ways, a likable young man, he has been the reason for anxiety and grief to his mother and late father since they adopted him at the age of 3. He had been badly treated and it wasn't surprising that he found it hard to trust and be trustworthy but, again, this is right out of the blue.

13 comments:

john.g. said...

Thoughts are with you! xx

Z said...

Thank you, John.

luckyzmom said...

Sometimes the telephone is a scary thing. We came home from Las Vegas with a message that my husbands favorite Aunt had had a massive heart attack. She is recovering unexpectantly well, but is 89 and may need assistance from now on. She has always been quite independent. So I send my understanding sympathy.

Ally said...

The phone is a blessing and a curse, isn't it? Thinking of you.

Z said...

We couldn't be without it, but the phone is a blunt instrument. Thanks, darlings.

Dave said...

What they said.

Z said...

What I said, honey.

The Boy said...

Your sentiment of children is my sentiment. Yet that joy is always the worry. Mine aren't adults yet, but their pain is mine.

So, good thoughts wafting to those children in peril and their parents.

Malc said...

Love and sympathy to yourself, the Sage and family.

Thanks for the post. My 17-year-old son and 15-year-old daughter are 800 and 600 miles away respectively. They'll be getting a call from Dad tonight.

Z said...

I feel deeply for youngsters these days. It all seemed a lot less pressured in my day. And Malc - *hug*

Arabella said...

My thoughts too.

Thursday said...

A short while before my mother died she made a comment along the lines that, as a mother, it was her job to bring her offspring up to be well-rounded 'grown-ups' able to deal with adult life. I would hope that she felt she did a good job. One thing she could not teach her children however was how to deal with grief as that can only be learned as a result of experience. Thoughts are with you and yours.

Z said...

Thank you both. And it's true, you can't understand until you've experienced it and even then it's different for everyone.